Assignment Task:
I am willing to change my research direction from “cyanobacteria physiology and ecology” to aquatic toxicology.
- I started my HDR with Prof. xxx who provided me a research proposal that he would like to offer a phd opportunity. From that I realized that I could work on cyanotoxins and their toxicity which made me so happy and was dying to start my HDR.
- I was very confident about myself and my future with this HDR at the beginning.
- I put forward some ideas that were related to cyanotoxins and I don’t say that they were the best ideas.
- Gradually I started feeling that the focus of the given HDR I’m absorbed is mainly on cyanobacteria physiology and ecology but not massively on cyanotoxins or their toxicity.
- I still remember on our first meeting when they asked what is my area of interest first answer was aquatic toxicology.
- I am extremely passionate and excited in research areas in aquatic toxicology since high school and even for my undergrad I choosed aquatic toxicology as my undergrad research and did some extensive work related to toxicology.
- After realizing the focus of the given HDR, I was completely shattered and anyhow managed to atleast pacify myself and keep reading more.
- But day by day I became very uneasy and loose my confidence completely and reduced interacting with others as well.
- First I thought this is due to the difference of working methods here or maybe because I’m not a native English speaker or because I’m home sick.
- To be honest, I had no confidence left, it showed in my personality when I talk with some one.
- Even my supervisor observed that I have suddenly completely lacked my confidence and become overwhelmed.
- But unfortunately, like I thought, they thought the same that this is due to the difference of working methods here or may be because I’m not a native English speaker or because I’m homesick.
- Every time I had to push myself very hard to develop some interest towards this research direction.
- Every time when I start reading some articles related to cyanobacteria physiology and ecology finally unintentionally I end up reading articles related to aquatic toxicology or toxicity.
- One day I completely realized that all of this uneasiness, lack of confidence and inner peace and all has happened with me because I push myself hard to do something I don’t like at all.
- Also, I understood that if I’m not enjoying my research area at this point I’m not going to survive during the phd and will not be able to give my best to the HDR which will, in turn, have negative effect not only to me, my personality, my future but also to my current supervisors and the project itself.
- I felt that I’m not being honest and fair with everyone and to my HDR anymore.
- And I realized I want to completely change my research direction from what I”m doing right now to the research direction, aquatic toxicology which I was always extremely passionate about.
- At this stage I was extremely depressed and to be honest I was not working well as I thought that I would do when I started my phd.
- I was reluctant to approach my current supervisors because I knew their areas of expertise and interest are totally different from mine.
- After suffering from these thoughts nearly 3 months I finally decided to talk with someone who shares same research interest as mine and fortunately we had some long discussions to understand each other's interests.
- He is willing to accept me as a PhD student and that one thought gives me so much relief and to be honest, I’ve started smiling again after 3 months.
- I think excitement and passion are the most important factors that keep you going during a PhD.
- And this PhD and research direction which focuses on aquatic toxicology is my dream.
- I really don’t want to waste this valuable opportunity given by the GU and want to do some quality work in y area of interest to provide the best output from me.
- And I know after raising the matter, though I and my current supervisors share an excellent relationship, I’m afraid that everything will change and I will be stuck in the same research direction.
- I hope you would understand my academic and emotional situation and please consider my complete research direction change.
- I’m not blaming anyone, but, this is really hard and depressing for me to continue working for three years in a research area that I do not have any interest.
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